Respect for law enforcement — a survival skill for kids with disabilities

Mandy Elliot with son Aidan © NBC Today Show

I was recently talking with a parent of a disabled kiddo.  The topic turned to behavior around law enforcement, and perceived excessive force by law enforcement.

I want to start off by saying that there are far too many police officers who use excessive force, commit crimes, or otherwise abuse their power.   Some police officers are outright thugs, but most are not.  Regardless of an officer’s propensity to violence, it is a matter of life and death for disabled children if they do not learn absolute respect for law enforcement.

Shortly after this conversation, a story out of the Denver area made national news because an eight-year-old child was pepper sprayed by police officers.

Aidan Elliot, a second grader, had a violent tantrum at school.  The child’s mother, Mandy Elliot,  is upset that her child was pepper sprayed after he destroyed a classroom, and was threatening to kill  school staff and police with a  stick.   Aidan’s own language scares the daylights out of me.  He says,

I got like, anger things. . . .  It’s  just who I am.  I think its not ever going to go away.

Not only does this child have it in his mind that his behavior is acceptable because it is “just who he is,” but that kind of mindset is setting himself on a path towards death.

In 2003 an intellectually disabled child, Paul Childs III, was murdered by Denver Police officers.   Fifteen-year-old Paul became upset, and wielded a knife against his mother.  His sister called police, fearful for her mother’s safety.  When police arrived, they ordered Paul to drop the knife, and when he did not, he was shot and killed.  Turney was later disciplined for his actions,* and clearly was inadequately trained.**

Academy training for law enforcement officers primarily focuses on officer safety.   Basic training does not include adequate crisis intervention training.  While many officers do receive crisis intervention training at some point in their career,  the majority of officers on the streets are inadequately trained to diffuse situations where a disabled person, often a person with some type of mental disability that impacts behavior.

The reality of these conditions is that law enforcement may need to be called to diffuse the situation.  We have no control over which officer will respond.  We have no control whether or not an officer has been trained in crisis intervention.  In my family, I had a foster child with severe behaviors that necessitate law enforcement assistance on multiple occasions.  As out of control my kiddo was, at least I got her in a place where she would follow law enforcement commands.   For her, and others with severe behaviors, this is essential.  As parents of children with disabilities, we must teach our children to immediately respect the commands of police officers.

Aidan’s mother should be thankful that he was only pepper sprayed during the confrontation.  She is correct, his behavior was unacceptable.  She is wrong when she tries to excuse her son’s behavior with his young age.  If you are out of control, and if the police are called, and you do not follow their commands, you are lucky if you are only pepper sprayed or tasered.  Officer safety will and should come first.

It doesn’t matter if one is eight or eighteen, our children with disabilities must learn absolute respect for law enforcement.  Ms. Elliott, by complaining about the officers’ action is teaching her son the opposite of what he needs to learn.  He already has it in his mind that his behaviors are what they are, and they won’t change.   Rather than using the incident to teach her son to follow all police officer commands, she has paraded him in front of news cameras, and has the audacity to complain about the officers’ decisions.  Ms. Elliot’s attitude is setting her son up for a deadly encounter.

It doesn’t matter  the cause of the behaviors, safety must come first.  Families must be able to seek help when confronted with domestic violence perpetrated by their children.  However, as parents, we must also teach our children absolute respect for law enforcement.  There cannot be any ifs, ands, or buts about it.  It is one of the single most important safety lessons we can teach our children.

*  Turney appealed his suspension, it was overturned by a hearing officer, and later reinstated by the full civil service commission.

**  The officer who shot Paul, James Turney, was inadequately trained to assist in situations involving domestic violence.  Eighteen moths before killing Paul, Turney shot and killed a deaf teenager who was also wielding a knife.